I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
