OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
