What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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