I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
