I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
