I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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