i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
