garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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