meet me or not, i'm out of control
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
