i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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