Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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