I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
