I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
