I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
