i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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