i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
