the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize