Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
