you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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