his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
