We won't sleep together?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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