You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
