Acid is not a monday night drug
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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