Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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