I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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