How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
