I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
