Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
