I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize