i permit you to call me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
