Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Threesome in a minivan. New low
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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