I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize