If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
