i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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