Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
