the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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