Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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