at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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