living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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