I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
