I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
