The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
