six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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