Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
