Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
