We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just high enough for therapy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
