you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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