i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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