Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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