There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
