I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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