how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
