Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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