drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
