Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
