You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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