I've blown a few things in my day
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
