It's Friday. Sex?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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