if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
