I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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