is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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