Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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