i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
