; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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