mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
