I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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