Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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