So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
