do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
