well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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