i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize