So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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