I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
