Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My room smells like vodka and shame
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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