i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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