dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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