whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
